Life story of a man who is failing part 4

Chapter 4
And life fills me with content!

College! It was the dreamland for many. Since i had made some good friends, i was already someone before  i landed there. There was already a huge circle of friends, that i knew from many places, ranging from final year to my classmates, so the integration part was easy, i was never exposed to ragging or bullying, but the college was like a strict prison!

The first year or the freshman year was a continuation of the previous two years. I never bothered about girls, never even cared to make friendship so life was happy and peaceful. My friends were tight, i scored decent marks, never got into serious troubles, everything was fun and bright. Then second year happened.

Juniors started to flow in, and myself being already familiar with most of the guys in the college, everyone thought i would be a fun partner to prey on the juniors. I never liked the concept of ragging, yet people took me with them to bully juniors, and through orkut i became friends with these two girls. They were real good friends of me. Of the two, one began to chat with me on daily basis. She was already in a relationship, and i never bothered about it, since it was not my intentions to fall for anyone. I really liked my freedom, and despised the idea of true love. My faiths were too rigid and hard laid. I became a free thinker, and became open to philosophy and started to become an atheist. And the teen hormones does'nt help the cause either. I started to become knowledgeable on things like football, general knowledge etc. People started to believe im an intellectual, truth is that im and always was far from it. It might be due to the loneliness, or my moms illness, i started reading at a young age, or because i talked less, or quoted other people or ideas so often, that people misunderstood me, i was always a shallow and hollow person without any emotional attachments  still people thought i was something, and has the potential to become something else than what i was. Anyways coming back to the point, i became a good friend to her, and helped her escape from the clutches of senior students who made her a target. I risked one of my friendship to save her, one thing which i later regretted.

I used to have my lunch from a canteen outside of the college, and when i returned back all my classmates were infront of the freshman block, and a freshman was arguing with my friend. I totally lost it and got him by his collar and thrashed him to a wall. By the grace of god, nothing more happened, and everyone around jumped on me inorder to stop me. Anyways, what i did not know was, the freshman was talking to the girl i befriended, and thats when my classmates picked on him. One thing lead to another, and the whole matter looked as if, i thrashed a junior for talking to my love interest... WHAT???

Sad part is even she was convinced, and this became a huge deal in college, and petitions and complaints reached the principal and dean, and was in the make of being a criminal case. I was called for hearing multiple times, thanks to one of my friend and a nun who thought i was a good person, all the things settled but it scarred me. Accusing of something that never crossed my mind, it was hard to swallow. I was hurt, bad thing is no one understood how much that hurted my pride, i became more estranged and relied more on alcohol and smokes. Things became dark for me, and i became deluded. Getting no support when you are weak is the worst thing anyone could go through. No one understood the real me, and i never relied on anyone. And there were a lot of smoke buddies and drink buddies, it was hard for people to imagine me in normal state, i was always intoxicated, and it took its toll on my studies. Ive never liked engineering in the first place, i was never a technical person, i was more interested in fields like philosophy, psychology, history, geography, economics, law etc, and wanted to take that bad, but it fell into the deaf ears of my parents...

2 years went by in the dark alleys,i never bothered to befriend anyone other than 6-7 friends i had in class. Life was simple, filled with smoke and booze, it was fun in its own ways. In between i got a bike, and it brought another side of me. I loved risks and speed. Even before i got license i was racing around, embracing 100+ speeds, i missed accidents by centimeters, but the adrenaline rush was awesome. Then it happened, my life altering experience... The one that changed my life, my perspective, my thinking, my future everything...

Life story of a man who is failing part 3

Chapter 3
The best time of my life.

I changed school once again, this time to one that was near to my home. I did not had any problems finding my school since i had good academic record now. For the first time, im not the under dog. The new school was a new start for me indeed. And for the first time in my life, I was in a mixed school. The class was evenly divided between boys and girls in terms of strength.

Still i was not able to talk with any girls. Not that i wanted to happen that desperately, i never tried to build any relationship. I was on my own world of football and other stuff. Ive made some real good friends there, i was one of the studious guys there. I never created any problem there, yet people knew i was not the one to mess with, things were always fun to me. Took up smoking and drinking, not because i want to prove anything or i needed them to satisfy myself, but it was purely because of fun. Those two years were easily the best time of my life. I scored real good marks so my parents were happy, my teachers were happy, my friends looked upto me as someone they wanted to be. I was a good football player, everytime they created team, i was the first one to be on the team, that kind of adoration, makes you a slave of your own success. Which i found out later. Two years passed by with everything good in them. After that i graduated from there, and it was time to move to college.

Life story of a man who is failing part 2

Chapter 2
Formative years

I never had a lot of friends. To be honest, the only long term friend i had/have is one, says how 'rich' Im regarding friendships. Until 10, i was an ok kid and i was in a convent school run by very lovely nuns. I had decent headless friendships like any other kid who are under 10. I was neither the studious type, nor the dumb one, Im a perfect averager there. Ive had decent friends and was half decent health wise. My friends and teachers neither adored me nor hated me, which was fine for me. I escaped through my childhood pretty much unnoticed, which is one of the reason why i dont have any memory  regarding my early childhood.

Then i was made to change school as my first school did not had higher classes. And that was the turning point in my life. I joined another school midway, and i found it hard to get friends there. My parents started to climb up their ladder, career wise, so they had little time to check on me, and me being an average student, they joined me to the highest demanding course academically, which is where i started to feel drained. That school was a nightmare. It was a boys school, and friendships between classmates were long set before i joined them, so i was always the odd one out. I was not the healthiest of the bunch and certainly not the good looking type, so they never tried to add me to their class. And i never felt really bad about it since i enjoyed my loneliness.

And the first major setback happened to me. My mom got sick, and that started to create problems in my family, Eventhough i was a loner, it started to affect me. I dint had anyone to talk about anything, before mom was the one who used to look me after, now i had no one to rely on and things started to become hard for me. During those times, i hated to eat, and with none to look after me, i started to skip meal to that extend that, i only ate once a day, which made my already weak stature worse. Kids in my school found easy target, but one thing im good at was to be invisible. Thanks to that skill, i never got bullied through out my life. I hated days as i dint had anything to do or anyone to talk. So i started thinking a lot, one thing lead to another, and i started reading books. The first book i got my hand on was mahabharatha just because there was a painting of a nude lady inside that book. Being curious i started to like it and instantly became an avid reader.

Next up was 1001 arabian nights, and no points for guessing why i chose that book, eventhough these books are fantasy, they began to lay some strong ideas and values in my mind. Together with reading, i started to think a lot, about everything. Those years summer vacations were the worst part in my life. Everyone around were in the age group of my elder brother, i was always the younger brother of their friend, so they never added me to their group. So i was always inside the house, just laying around or reading. Since i ate much less, i got anemia, my parents wondered what was wrong with me, even i did and it started to become worse.

Matters in school were even worser than my health. I started to fail on all subjects and found it hard to cope with the intense academic plans, it was a matter of time before the principal called my parents to my office. And that day was the worst days of my life until then. He said i had disorders, that im borderline autistic, and my lean unhealthy looks was promising to his theory. I was almost transferred to a special school, thanks to my mom and her illness, she fought hard for me, and i was changed to another academic plan, state syllabus, one thing i was able to cope. I knew i did not wanted to change school, eventhough i hated my current school. Eventhough i did not had any friends, nor none knew me there, i took it as my advantage as i could never live my loner life anywhere else. I joined the new class, which was a special english class. Every students there were too self centered, even worse, it was the only class in my year that had girls. So everyone where busy trying to impress them, again i was an easy target there to make fun of. The class was a bit over crowded and i nvr found a place to sit. I was made to shuttle from chairs to chairs as none wanted to sit with me. Then one day, the principal came to the class and said he need 5 brave volunteers to do the sacrifice for the class. As the class was crowded he need 5 people to volunteer to get transferred to another class and went on to preach how great it is to sacrifice for others. Without any hesitation i stood up, and the principal was happy to get a volunteer without much compulsion. He made the whole class applaud for me. My first applause. My first sacrifice. I was happy for unknown reason, guess my class mates were happy too to get rid of an outcast....


8th standard. Where my life started to change. Made some good friends there, still my academic struggles were a mess, but i learned to survive. I started to be active in sports, and to my surprise i was better at it! Slowly i started to gain friends since they started to recognize me as someone good in sports. Life started to change indeed.

Still everything else remained to be a mess. But i was least worried about it. For the first time in life, i got a best friend, and then another one. First time i started to talk to some person on regular basis. It was fun. Life was splendid, we spend most of the time together, those guys imparted me interests like music, football, movies etc. Before i was just a reader and lover of old movies, that came in the regional channel. Those 2 years were the best. Another major influence in my life was my history teacher. She is one of the brightest people ive ever met. She was the one who formed my character if you ask me. She made me interested in news, and i started to read newspaper because of her. Every bits and pieces of knowledge i have in my life, i owe it to her. Too bad, she wont even remember me, as i was her silent follower. I used my power of being invisible to the maximum, she never even noticed a disciple in me. I was happy that way

And i became strong academically :o...I just focused myself on studies, thanks to my friends, anyways, i became someone who used to be awful, but not anymore. And i passed out of that schools in a good way. And life for once seemed to be happy and everything was coming my way. Life was full of fun, football music and books.

Life story of a man, who is failing!

Chapter 1
The Very Moment of Pain

Im a nobody. I guess my life is not as special as the ones in other stories, guess that might make this interesting. Every story has got a build up, climax, fun, comedy, tragedy, romance etc well in this one the only mood that is constant is pain. So consider this as a treatment of life from an angle which everyone sees it from time to time.

I work as an IT professional, which is supposed to be coolest job, if you dont have it. Its modern slavery where everyone is trying to pile up pressure on a developer, which is me, to deliver something that is nearly impossible to do. Saddest part is the one who does all the job, again the developer, gets the least amount of profit out of it, so there is'nt much to be happy on that front. My office is a male-only office, not by rule but it is like that, with 9 hours working time or more. So my private life is virtually non existent, i see the same set of faces every day. I do the same set of routine everyday. I talk to the same set of people everyday, about the same subjects. I think every work is like that, but for me this one is the worst experience in my life, and you will know why, if you continue to read, or i continue to write!

Im single by choice, and choices are there to make us to force mistakes on our lives. The illusion of choice is the worst of all, at the time, it seems we took the right choice without taking any risks but in hindsight, the risk seems to be the best option that we had. Im used to take risks, but that are impulsive, on a situation of choice, guess i take the ones which appears to be the the best for all, which end up being total blunders of my life. Im virgin, again by choice, one thing i dont regret. Being a one woman man requires to have some quality, and in my barren life, i intend to possess a quality or two, and this being one of the easiest, i just chose to embrace it. I dont have a lot to offer to the right girl for me, so i always thought this might be one thing that i could gift to only one person which i really care.

Im currently in a lot of pain, one thing ive always been in life. To me life has been an array of set backs with some shining moments scattered here and there. Weird thing is i was dull through most of the shining moments i had, and only realized they were the best moments, after it has passed. Its easy for people to say enjoy the little things, carrying the burden and trying to enjoy the little things is the worst possible feeling one can ever have. Knowing that, the responsibility solely falls on one self is scaring. We never realizes it once we are very deep in trouble, the world is really set to impart the maximum pain for us, is'nt it? So this is me, sharing my story, so that if ever someone try to read this, will understand what not to do in their life inorder to be happy!!